Abandoning the Quill
by twisted-gear-halo
Summary: After her sixth year Hermione is given a new role in life. Now she has to become an adult fast, and face a truth she never wanted to know in the first place. SSHG,Post HBP. Nothing harsh, but rated M for future chapters. Now revised for reader's pleasure!
1. Let it Stay

Let it Stay

A/N- Hello everyone, welcome to chapter one! This is the revised edition of the story, which was finished, but never published on I'm going chapter by chapter, so the old ones will be revised before the new ones come up. This is indeed a HG/SS, but it's going to take a little bit to get there. Also, all characters belong to JK Rowling, and I'm making no money from this, it's just for fun.

Abandoning the Quill

Let It Stay

Looking back on it later, Hermione could find the exact moment that it had all started. It wasn't often that this happened in her life. To her, it always seemed as though things got so muddled that she could hardly tell which way was up, but not this time. No, this time Hermione could find the exact moment when her true life had begun, for better or worse, she could see it now.

Hermione had her hands clenched so tightly on the Hogwart's express that she felt her short and meticulously clean fingernails digging into her palm. She quickly chanced a look towards Ron, who was sitting silently facing the window. Outside the light mist of the afternoon swirled around the train. After assuring herself that Ron was fast asleep Hermione turned to Harry. He was curled in the corner of his seat, his eyes staring blankly ahead. Hermione felt words rise in her throat, but she quickly stopped them. Bringing her unread book to her face she suppressed a sigh. He hadn't spoken in hours.

The sky changed to an obnoxious blue as the somber Hogwart's students rocketed back towards King's Cross Station. In the few days after Dumbledore's funeral until the students had been sent home no one had done much of anything. There had been no tearful goodbyes at the end of term, no promises to write, and no joyful leaving feast. Hermione was slightly surprised at the general reaction to Dumbledore's death. After the funeral it seemed that all the tears had dried. Everyone, herself included, seemed to be walking about in a daze, as if they had all been victims to a strong befuddlement charm. She was reluctant to think about it, in her heart Hermione knew that the truth of the past weeks hadn't completely settled in her head, and she wasn't looking forward to the time when they did.

Once again she looked at Harry, who was still wearing his blank stare. The day after the attack on Hogwart's he had calmly explained everything to her and Ron, and then he had closed himself completely. Though Harry always seemed to be haunted by an unseen air of sadness Hermione was at a loss to explain his new personality. Even in his worst days Harry had always been a ball of emotion. Be it anger or depression, whatever he was feeling, it could always be seen. Now however, it was different. It was as though he had put himself in a locked room and thrown away the key. He refused to speak about it to anyone, even Ron, who had also become rather withdrawn. In a way Hermione was glad. Though she felt horrible for admitting it, she didn't have the emotional strength to wade through herself and the boys at the moment.

An hour later Hermione felt the brakes kick in underneath her. Through the glaring sun she could see the familiar station outside. Ron and Harry were already on their feet, gathering their things. Silently Hermione followed suit, grabbing her case and school bag. Turning quickly she slammed full on into Ron's back. Harry had stopped in the doorway, and was looking at them both with empty eyes.

"I…." he stopped suddenly, as though he had forgotten what he was going to say.

"What is it Harry?" Hermione felt herself croak. Her throat felt rusty from disuse, and she slightly resented the interruption from their exit.

"I…" he took a deep breath, "I need to tell you goodbye."

Hermione felt slightly puzzled for a moment, "Oh, yes," she had assumed they would say their goodbyes on the platform.

"No, I mean…." he was looking hardly at her face, "Goodbye, for a long while. I'm not coming back to Hogwart's next year."

Hermione felt her heart drop, and Ron stiffened in the same moment. She had been afraid this was coming, ever since she had seen the light go out of Harry's eyes.

"But…" she started hopelessly.

Ron broke in, putting a heavy hand on her shoulder. She looked at him incredulously. Surely he wasn't going to let Harry walk away without a fight? Ron shook his head ever so slightly. "Goodbye mate," he said throatily, sitting his case on the floor. As Hermione watched in petrified silence Ron and Harry grabbed each other in a hug of horrible finality. Despite her best efforts Hermione couldn't make herself speak. She felt as though her jaw was locked.

Ron and Harry broke apart slowly, "Should you need us…" Ron said in a half hearted whisper, losing his thought mid-sentence. Harry nodded and tried a smile at his best friend of nearly seven years. "I know."

Ron nodded again, and cast a quick look at Hermione before picking up his case and departing the compartment. Harry turned his eyes to Hermione once again, who felt as though her lungs were failing. She could feel his eyes moving over her, and after a moment she felt like every one of his glances were a stab in the chest. Bending quickly she grabbed her bags.

"Well, goodbye then…" she choked on the words as she tried to push past Harry. Resiliently he stood in the doorway, still watching her silently.

"Don't make it be like this," he said calmly as she tried to get past him once again. Hermione scoffed loudly at his remark.

"Please Harry! We've said what we need to, now just let me be on my way," in her rush of words Hermione dropped her shoulder bag and growled loudly at the irritation.

Harry bent down to retrieve her spilled things and she felt her head snap. "No!" she screeched at him loudly, and to her surprise Harry jumped. "Don't you try to act the gentleman! I'm perfectly capable!" she snatched her books away from him in complete fury. As Hermione searched for her loose things she felt the slightest prick at her eyes. How could he do this? How could he leave them? After everything, after all that they had done, he was just going to pack it in and walk away. Well, she wasn't having it, not without letting him know she was adamantly against what he was about to do.

Hermione dropped to her knees to reach her quill under the train seat; as she did she felt a sturdy hand on her arm. She looked up slightly to find Harry on the floor beside her. To her complete shock she saw the faintest glimmer in his eyes as well. Despite her best efforts, she felt her chin quiver ever so slightly.

"I'm going to miss you so much love," he whispered to her, almost silently.

Hermione heaved a dry sob, abandoning the quill where it lay. She allowed Harry to pull her into a hug, and felt a single tear tumble from her eye. She felt as though everything was shattering, and she had no way to put it all back together. So she sat there on the floor, hugging one of her best friends who was leaving her, and felt her heart break.

After a moment she sighed again, and opened her mouth but no sound would come. Harry rubbed her hand softly.

"I know," he smiled sadly.

As they stood, Harry offered her bag, and she took it numbly. They moved for the door together, but he held her back.

"Your quill," he muttered gesturing towards the seat.

Hermione shrugged limply, "Let it stay."

Harry nodded and gripped her hand firmly. Together they turned their backs and walked away. As Hermione left the train she couldn't help thinking about how a piece of her was staying as well, a piece much more important than the quill.

On the platform she found Ron standing with his family. Harry was no where to be found, and Hermione assumed he was saying farewell to Ginny. Mrs. Weasley hugged her soundly and fussed over her delight to see them all again. Even through the sounds and the greeting Hermione could tell it was all a half hearted attempt. When Ginny returned Hermione could tell her face was flushed from crying and kisses.

"Well," Mr. Weasley chimed in with a bleak smile, "I suppose we had better be off, Hermione you're expected at the front gate."

Hermione waved to the Weasley clan, and Ron came up on her left side. He swiped a hand through his shaggy hair, and Hermione felt oddly comforted by the familiar gesture.

"So…you think we'll write this summer?" he smiled wearily.

"Probably not, you never have," she retorted, though she knew her heart wasn't in the insult.

"Yeah," he sighed heavily, "well, I guess….this is it…"

"Yeah," she replied, "I'll see you next term?"

"Yeah," Ron seemed slightly fidgety, "See you."

Hermione rolled her eyes just a bit, Ron had never been one for affectionate displays, but this was no time for formalities. She pulled Ron into what she hoped was a comforting hug, and not something to embarrass him in front of his family. To her surprise Ron returned the embrace whole heartedly. She felt him take a deep breath as they said their goodbye.

"I love you," Ron whispered quietly into her ear, and broke from her hastily. He picked up his bag without a backward glance and disappeared in the bustle of the platform. Hermione stood alone in the crowd, wide eyed.

A few minutes later and Hermione was having a hard time pulling her trunk through the mob. It was odd for her parents to meet her at the front gate, as they had always waited just outside the platform. She exited the station and burst into the bright sunshine, shielding her eyes from the attack, and looking around wildly. Where were they?

A moment later Hermione felt rough hands on her shoulders. She gasped in surprise and felt a wave of panic shift through her body. A tall man wearing a wide brimmed hat had a heavy hand clamped on her arm.

"Let go of me," she yelped, and swung her bag towards the man.

"Miss Granger please!" a familiar voice sounded from under the brim, "we are trying to be inconspicuous."

"Professor Lupin?" she breathed in relief, as she recognized the tired eyes staring at her.

"Hello again," he said pleasantly, "I hope you are doing well."

"Yes very," she replied, "but, where are my mum and dad?"

"Ah yes, that, well, I believe there are some things you need to be filled in with Miss Granger."

Hermione felt her heart stop, and Lupin saw the horror register on her face. "No, no," he said calmly, "your parents are quite alright, but there is another matter. If you'll come with me, there are some things to discuss."

Lupin gestured to a dark blue car that Hermione did not recognize. She was utterly confused, but accepted Lupin's invitation to step inside. When she did, Hermione immediately recognized that the car had been altered by magic. Where there should have been car seats there was a long table and uncomfortable looking, high backed chairs.

"Please have a seat Miss Granger," he said, sitting in a chair facing the front of the car. Hermione sat down hesitantly, she wasn't at all sure what was going on.

"Miss Granger, I would like to start by saying I am sorry to surprise you like this, but as the owl post is being monitored, and in light of recent….events…. there was no safe way to contact you." Lupin offered her a cup and she shook her head politely.

"Please professor, I would like to know exactly what is going on here."

"Well Miss Granger, as you know there have been many changes in the past weeks. With Albus gone everything has been sent into upheaval. The Order has been working around the clock to reorganize, but I'm afraid it is slow going," Lupin sighed and took off his large hat and coat. Hermione hadn't remembered him looking so pale.

"So, what does this have to do with me professor?" she asked, somewhat impatiently.

"Miss Granger, I am sure you do not need to be told that the Order is in short supply of help, so I have been sent to recruit you for services only you can supply."

Hermione felt confused, "You want me to join the Order? How can I? I'm under age."

"Actually Miss Granger, this is not so. The use of the time turner in your third year has given you nearly twelve extra months, so in four weeks, in the wizarding world, you will legally be eighteen."

Hermione felt her jaw drop. She had missed her seventeenth year without even knowing it. It took her a moment to work out the details in her head. Despite her birth year all the extra time she had spent had aged her. This might explain why she looked a good deal older than many of the girls in her year.

"However, we are asking much more from you than to join the Order Miss Granger. I am afraid that not all the members think this move is wise, but we are in a bit of a…..spot."

Lupin sipped his tea as Hermione watched him, "What exactly is needed?"

"Well, with Albus gone, Minerva is now the acting headmistress of Hogwart's, and the leader of the Order. All this responsibility is, needless to say, daunting. Due to her new positions she will be unable to continue as the transfiguration teacher. The Order discussed many people who might fill the position, but with the war the possibility of a spy in Hogwart's could mean disaster. So, we thought about it and decided to offer the position to…you." Lupin stopped and pressed his fingers together.

Hermione felt her jaw drop. "Me? But I'm not even out of school!"

"Well, technically yes, but you have the required hours, and no one doubts your ability to pass the newts and do the job. If you agree to this arrangement you will spend the summer completing your requirements and training to be the new Hogwarts transfiguration teacher."

Hermione's head was buzzing. Could this be true? Could she really do this? Did she even want to do this?

"Miss Granger? I know this is a lot of information, but as time is limited I must ask for a rather hasty decision. If you don't wish to do this it will be understood…"

"No," Hermione broke in sharply. "I mean, yes, yes, I think that this would be a wonderful opportunity."

"Marvelous!" Lupin clapped his hands sharply and pulled a quill out of the air. "I must write Minerva at headquarters to let her know you'll be arriving shortly. I have also notified your parents, who are thrilled at the development, and who will be coming to see you in a few weeks."

Lupin scribbled on a piece of parchment and waved his wand over it. He then summoned an owl and sent it off with the note.

"Well Miss Granger, we will be arriving shortly where you will receive more information about everything in question, until then I think you should relax while I speak with the driver." Lupin nodded to her politely and entered a small door in the front of the magical room.

Hermione rested her head against the thick wooden chair. Her mind was spinning with new ideas. She was going to be a teacher? A member of the Order? At first she was thrilled, and then she felt the nagging worry in the back of her mind. Did she want to be a teacher? Was it fair to decide her future in half an hour? How would she control the students? Hermione sighed and tried to stop the fevered thoughts from swirling around her. Suddenly Ron's face popped into her head. Hermione couldn't tell if the sick feeling in her stomach was a positive or negative reaction to his whispered words.

Before long Hermione felt herself being shaken, she must have dozed off on the long car ride.

"Miss Granger," Lupin was smiling at her, "We have arrived."

He offered his hand, and Hermione allowed herself to be pulled from her seat and into the darkening outside world. Judging from the sky she guessed it to be around seven in the evening. Just as she expected Hermione saw Grimmauld place looming in front of her. With long strides Lupin touched the street light with his wand and Hermione saw a thin black door appear a few feet away. Motioning her forward Lupin turned the knob and Hermione found herself in the entry hall of the grim building.

It was very dark, and filled with muffled voices coming from the kitchen's direction.

"If you would be good enough to wait a moment I'll announce to everyone that you have arrived," Lupin patted her shoulder and walked off.

Hermione hugged her arms from the chill while glancing over the gloomy living room. Lupin entered the kitchen to see many members of the Order sitting around the table and sharing a pot of tea.

"Minerva," he said softly. The old witch looked up with a grim expression. "She's in the living room."

"Ah yes, good," she said wearily, rising from her chair, "I suppose we had better explain…" but she was cut off with a loud scream from the living room.

Lupin and McGonagall rushed through the kitchen door to find a hysterical Hermione in the corner by the bookshelf.

"Whatever is the matter girl?" McGonagall said, shaking her slightly.

Hermione pointed in terror to a dark shape by the fire, "What's he doing here! He's a murderer!"

Sitting silently huddled by the fire, with a look of complete disdain on his face, was Severus Snape.

A/N- Okay guys, there's chapter one. I know this was all background, and more than a bit sad, but I intend this to be in cannon. I'm not going to ignore what happened in HBP like a lot of other authors. Have a little faith in me though, the next chapters will lighten up a bit, have some fluff and humor, but the angst is what I do best. Oh, and by the way, I'm no English major, so if anyone has a real problem with that you might want to abandon ship. Please review, it makes my whole day better!


	2. Of Coffee Cups and Splinters

Of Coffee Cups and Splinters

A/N- Hey guys, so here's chapter two, once again, this is the slightly revised edition. I hope that you're enjoying, and thanks so much for the feedback, it makes my day! Also, yes I know my updates are sort of random, but I promise you, this time the story will be posted beginning to end, no matter how long it takes. As always, all characters belong to JKR, I'm just playing with them.

Of Coffee Cups and Splinters

"Miss Granger," McGonagall said softly, trying to hide her pounding heart and severe annoyance, "We are perfectly aware that Severus is in the house, so kindly stop screeching."

Hermione quieted instantly; no matter how her role in life may change she doubted whether she could ever disobey the stern older woman. Lupin breathed a sigh of relief and kindly took Hermione's shoulder.

"There are a few things we haven't gotten around to explaining yet," he smiled softly, "would you care to join us in the kitchen?" Though it was phrased as a question Hermione knew this was an order, and she reluctantly tore her eyes from Snape. Lupin guided her silently through the dusty hall towards a dim light which she knew to be the kitchen.

"Would you care to join us Severus?" McGonagall asked briskly, expecting his negative response before she even looked at him. Time was of the essence, and she hadn't time to spend trying to coerce Severus into actively participating in this line of events. Quickly McGonagall entered the kitchen as well, leaving Snape alone with the fire.

Snape rubbed his eyes roughly. As if his life wasn't difficult enough the Order had insisted on bringing the Gryffindor brat to fill certain gaps. Snape had fought tooth and nail against it, but in the end he had been overruled. He understood perfectly well that the Order was between a very dangerous rock and a hard place, but still. The very idea that the child could take on the amount of responsibility they were going to offer; it was absurd. He turned his gaze back to the dancing flames and tried to concentrate on feeling the heat. Hopefully, she would stop screaming each time she saw him, though somehow he didn't blame her. No, he didn't blame her at all.

Hermione sank into an old oak framed arm chair and gratefully accepted the mug of tea Lupin handed her. She could still feel the panic in her throat, and her heart was refusing to stop beating a mile a minute, despite the orders she was giving. Sipping the tea slowly, she instantly felt better. Briefly, she wondered if Lupin had slipped her a calming drought.

"Now, Miss Granger, I believe we are in for a long night of discussion, as I assume you have many questions," McGonagall said as she settled behind her tea, a look a grim determination on her face.

"What is he doing here? Don't you believe Harry? He saw everything happen! I don't know how you can stand to look at him when we all know what…." Hermione felt herself going off on a tangent despite the possible presence of a calming drought.

"Miss Granger, if you please!" McGonagall snapped a bit harshly, "All will be explained, but first I must ask you to calm down. We are well aware of the happenings at this end of term, and I must admit, we know more than you do, so, if you are prepared to act like an adult I believe we can continue."

Hermione nodded curtly and closed her mouth. Though she was prepared to listen she could not imagine a scenario that would ever make her be able to look at Snape without a murderous rage bubbling in her head and a sickening feeling in her stomach.

"Minerva, perhaps we should let Albus explain?" Lupin suggested quietly. Hermione's eyes snapped to him. How was that possible, she wondered?

"Yes, quite right Remus," McGonagall smoothed her hair with a dismal expression, "Tonks my dear, would you go and get him for us?"

Hermione looked behind her with a start and recognized the young witch sitting on the counter top. Tonks looked quite a bit different from the last time Hermione had seen her. Tonks' face had regained the slight glow it was famous for, and today her hair was a brilliant shade of violet. She winked quickly at Hermione and started up the stairs, clumsily tripping on the third step. Hermione said a silent prayer of appreciation that some things didn't change.

"Now, while we wait, Hermione, I assume Remus has told you all about the position you have been offered?" McGonagall sipped her tea tensely.

"Yes…" Hermione answered distractedly. She was having trouble focusing with all the thoughts clouding her mind.

"You do understand that this is an enormous responsibility. Besides the normal amount of work that comes with being a Hogwart's teacher and member of the Order of the Phoenix, you will also have the burden of being the youngest faculty member in history, and, I dare say, you will have a bit of trouble from some of your peers," McGonagall watched her with raised eyebrows.

"I have thought of this professor," Hermione responded honestly, "and while I do have some worries, if this is a contribution I can make to help with the Order, and the school, I have to at least try."

"Spoken like a true Gryffindor," Lupin winked at her from the end of the dimly lit table.

Hermione smiled fearfully. Though she had been thinking all of these things, hearing McGonagall validate them had only made her nerves worse. Tonks arrived back in the kitchen in a flurry of violet hair and rainbow sweater, brandishing a large silver box. She placed the box in front of McGonagall, who opened it with a rather complicated spell and removed a thin sheet of parchment.

"Miss Granger, I think it best if you sit back a little, to see best," Lupin gave her a tip as he pushed his chair a few inches from the table. Confused, Hermione followed his lead. McGonagall muttered something under her breath and tapped the parchment with her wand. After a few moments the parchment began to shine, and bright lines of lights appeared from its center. Within seconds the lines had joined together and faded, to form the perfect image of Albus Dumbledore. Hermione was amazed. She had heard of image rendering parchment, but it was quite complicated to create, and she had never experienced it in her life.

"Good evening," the flat image of Dumbledore spoke, looking exactly like his old self down to the twinkling eyes, "and welcome to the last will and testament of Albus Dumbledore, for friends in a certain group only, of course." The image smiled, amused with itself and proceeded, "If you are all seeing this I regret to inform you that I have died, much to the shock of all I am sure," Hermione heard Lupin snort from his seat. "Fawkes should be delivering this to the new head of the Order within hours of my unfortunate demise, and, if I am correct in my thinking, this event shall not be too far from now. With this in mind I would like to congratulate Minerva McGonagall on her new position of Hogwart's headmistress."

The image of Dumbledore clapped politely, and Hermione could see McGonagall smile a very small, very sad acknowledgment.

The image continued, "I suppose I should begin with an explanation, well, as best I can. For the past few months I have known of an elaborate plot conceived by our greatest mutual enemy. My informant, who is known to all of you but shall remain unnamed if this should fall into enemy hands, has been continually updating me on the progress of this plot. Unfortunately, we are afraid the matter might be beyond our hands now, and, if this is correct, the only reasonable outcome could be my death. Now in case this should happen I want to assure all who doubt, I knew of the possibility. An unbreakable vow, once taken, can not be refuted. Such a vow was forced upon our informant, and though it is unfortunate, it was necessary. The position of our informant is too valuable to give up purely for the vain notion of my life, and the good of the school also out strips my needs," the image of Dumbledore adjusted its glasses demurely and smiled at the unseen audience.

"Though I am most unhappy that I shall not participate in the remainder of this good fight, I assure you all that it is for the best. I leave this organization, this school, and this world in the most capable hands I can imagine. Attached you will find a list of all my worldly possessions and their new keepers, though I hardly doubt my gathering of Christmas hats will be in high demand," Hermione smiled sadly at the poor joke from her dear old headmaster.

"Lastly," the image continued, shifting its weight as though becoming quite serious, "I must ask that at all costs this informant be protected. The temptation to exclude or banish him will be there; especially if the worst scenario is to occur, but I must insist you all keep your trust. The trust and the faith that you all have in each other is one of the few weapons which the dark side you fight shall never be able to possess." The image of Dumbledore straightened in his chair once more, "Remember my dear friends, even the smallest light is stronger than all the darkness in the universe. I bid you farewell, I feel sure we shall meet again." The image smiled, flickered, and was gone.

Hermione sat in her chair, feeling completely befuddled. She noticed Tonks swipe a tear away from her eye, as Lupin put a comforting arm around her waist.

"Well," McGonagall cleared her throat awkwardly, "There you have it Miss Granger, while none of us deny that Albus did indeed die as Severus' hand, it was not a true murder."

"What is an unbreakable vow?" Hermione asked, looking at each of the others in turn.

"The unbreakable vow, simply stated, is a promise between two wizards, held by old, deep magic. If one of the parties fails to keep their promise the punishment is a rather…..gruesome demise, not to mention certain circumstances which could prove greatly dangerous to the Order," Lupin offered, still holding Tonks' waist.

"So, Snape took this vow to kill Dumbledore? Why would he do that?" Hermione asked in disbelief.

"Severus took the vow to help young Draco Malfoy. He knew that Voldermort was planning something with Malfoy but he didn't know what it was. It seems that Voldermort didn't want to fill him in completely," McGonagall frowned, "One night Narcissia, Draco's mother, asked Snape to take the vow to promise to help Draco if he should fail, she was worried about her son's life if the plan could not work."

"I still don't understand," Hermione said with growing frustration, "Why didn't Snape just say no to the vow?"

"Saying no to the vow would have meant wavering allegiance to Voldermort," Lupin answered before McGonagall could, "Severus had no choice, even if he had known the plan was to kill Albus, he still would have been forced. Either that, or expose himself."

"So, why couldn't he stop Malfoy then? If he'd taken this bloody vow?" Hermione felt the anger rising in her again.

"It seems Mr. Malfoy wouldn't tell Severus what his plans were either, and since Voldermort wouldn't Severus didn't know until it was too late," McGonagall shook her head sadly.

"By the time he found them on the tower there were other death eaters. He realized what the plan was, and he also realized that Malfoy couldn't do it. If he hadn't carried it out he would have been exposed, and then the Order would be defenseless. He had no choice…." Tonks looked at Hermione sadly before moving closer to Lupin.

"So….Dumbledore knew? He knew something was going on the whole time?" Hermione felt harsh realization sink into her head.

"He knew," Lupin repeated, "But there was nothing that could be done."

"Wait a minute," Hermione's head shot up, "Didn't Snape use the Avada Kedavra curse to kill Professor Dumbledore? I thought you had to really mean the curse for it to work?" Hermione looked feverishly to the adults for an explanation.

Lupin sighed again, "We thought of that, and to be honest we're not sure. Severus is a very powerful wizard; it's possible that he could make the spell work simply by casting it, but…." Lupin trailed off.

"But?" Hermione demanded.

"Well, we think something happened on that tower. Something Snape's not telling us. Not that he really tells anything these days," Tonks said miserably.

"At any rate," McGonagall cut in again, "We do know that Albus was informed and prepared for this, and if anyone was trustworthy it was Albus Dumbledore, so I see no need to question the matter any further," McGonagall stood with an air of the subject being closed. "I am sorry to leave you so soon Miss Granger, but I am afraid we are needed elsewhere. The top bedroom has been prepared for you, and I trust you know your way around the house. Tomorrow we will begin your training, is there anything you need?"

Hermione shook her head glumly. The three adults left the room silently, Tonks giving Hermione's hand a quick squeeze. She sat for a few more moments, musing on the day. It seemed hours since she had woken in the familiar Hogwarts dormitory. Eventually she found her footing, and headed towards the top bedroom.

After unpacking her clothes in the small wooden wardrobe and stacking her books neatly on the sturdy desk, Hermione began to feel restless. This wasn't right. Nothing felt as it should. Her entire world had changed in the past twenty four hours, and she had a splitting headache. Rubbing her tired eyes she glanced at her watch, it was only nine thirty seven. Hermione heaved a great sigh and decided that she couldn't stay in the cramped room any longer. In a moment of clarity she remembered the small library across from the sitting room. Feeling a great deal better she set out for her old friends, books.

As she walked Hermione pulled her hair into a loose bun at the nape of her neck. Frowning she tried to twist the curly strands in place, but no matter how hard she tried it seemed a few strands were always coming loose around her face. Muttering softly she kicked the library door open, startling its former inhabitant.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, her heart ramming into her chest as Snape jumped from his seated position, wand drawn. "Sorry, I didn't know you were here…"

Snape lowered his wand slowly, making it disappear in the folds of his black robes. He nodded curtly and retrieved the book he had dropped, "Do you make a habit of loud entrances or is it merely for today?"

Hermione could feel her eyes narrow slightly. She took a breath, keeping her composure was the best thing for this situation. Snape regarded her with an icy stare, and though it sent a slight shiver down her spine she refused to look away, "I'm not sure," she answered, "I might make a habit of it yet."

Snape scoffed loudly, and sat back down in his chair. Hermione stood in the doorway, quite unsure of what to do. After a moment she felt her courage gather and she strode to the nearest book shelf. It wouldn't do to be afraid of him, she decided mentally. After all, soon she would be his colleague. She was going to be a teacher, the idea still seemed foreign.

As Hermione searched the bookshelves Snape watched her carefully. Leave it to the resident know it all to be in the library within two hours of her arrival, he thought nastily. He sneered to himself and tried to return to his book, unfortunately the terrible girl was being entirely too noisy. She was reaching in vain for a book on the top shelf, a least a foot above her. Snape raised his eyebrow in a sarcastic smile, he had never noticed that she was a rather good bit shorter than him.

Hermione grunted with effort. Standing on her tip toes and stretching her fingers she still could not reach the top shelf. "Damn," she muttered, sinking back down.

"Miss Granger, are you also in the habit of using foul language around teachers as well as kicking in doors?" Snape asked coldly from his seated position.

Hermione held her breath and her temper before answering, "Well, I seem to be gaining quite a barrage of interesting new quirks," she snapped back at him. For some reason Hermione couldn't understand Snape provoked no sympathy within her. She didn't even feel sad at the moment. Whenever she was in his presence the only things she could feel were anger and her sarcastic nature.

Snape snapped his book closed with renewed force and stood. Hermione had never realized that he was rather a good bit taller than her.

"Miss Granger," he said in a startlingly growl like voice, "While I am sure that your new….position…has made you rather smug, you can be sure that that sort of disrespect will not be tolerated in my presence. Do you understand?"

Snape loomed above her, but Hermione held her ground. She had to tip her face upward to see him, as she only came to his chest, but for some reason she felt much taller. Finally she was in a position that Snape couldn't criticize. She was going to be a teacher, just as he was, and if she knew anything at all about her menacing professor she knew he greatly resented it.

"I understand…." She started cautiously, still leery about invoking his wrath, "that you were the one who started the disrespect in the first place."

Snape glared at her mercilessly. He couldn't believe this little snip of a girl was speaking to him in such a tone. Vaguely, Snape remembered the times when a mere whisper from him would reduce her to tears and whimpers. Grudgingly he admitted to himself that she had indeed matured.

Hermione and Snape were engaged in a staring match of sorts. Both of them were refusing to admit that the other had a valid point.

"Well," Snape raised his eyebrow in the sneer that he was famous for, "It rather is a shame that being a know-it-all can't make you taller, I assume you would trounce us all," with that he pulled the book she desired easily from the shelf and tossed it to the floor. In a flurry of robes he ripped the door open and was gone.

Hermione seethed with anger. She closed her eyes and tried counting to ten. She growled in frustration, that never worked and whoever thought of it was an imbecile. Reluctantly Hermione picked the book up. Despite her anger she really was interested in Celtic Tribal Magic. Frustrated she slumped into the chair that Snape had vacated. As she read with only half of her full attention she noticed a peculiar smell. She breathed deep into the old green fabric of the chair and noticed the scent of sandalwood. She breathed again, finding the smell deeply comforting. Feeling much more relaxed she once again turned to the thick pages.

The next morning Severus woke to the obnoxious sound of birds singing. He despised that sound. Long ago Dumbledore had placed an enchantment on the house to sound as if hundreds of birds were singing whenever the room occupant woke. Since he had never been fond of mornings or birds Severus abhorred the sound, and despite his best efforts he had never figured out how to remove it.

Rubbing his head tenderly he went through his morning routine. Stepping into the burning shower he waited until his skin was red from scrubbing before getting out. For some reason only boiling hot water could make him feel clean. After dressing Severus planned to do some light reading in his room. He never made an appearance until evening, and now with that girl around he decided he should wait until much later. When he sat down to open his book he noticed a strange smell. A smell that shouldn't have been in number twelve Grimmauld place. Letting his curiosity get the better of him Severus crept down the stairs. As he approached the kitchen the smell grew very strong. He peered in, hoping to see McGonagall or even Lupin, but alas, it was the girl.

Hermione sat quite contentedly at the table sipping her coffee. When she had woken this morning Tonks had been going into town, and she had asked her to bring back some strong coffee, Hermione couldn't live without the caffeine. She was reading the Daily Prophet and sipping when she heard the door open. She peered around her paper hoping to see Lupin, or even McGonagall, instead it was him.

Hermione tried to smile but she was afraid only a grimace came across. Knowing that he had been seen, Snape stepped fully into the kitchen.

"Good morning," Hermione tried to sound cheery, but she choked slightly on her words. Snape merely nodded. Searching for something to say Hermione noticed his eyes flicker to the coffee pot on the stove. "Would you like some?" she asked hesitantly.

Snape regarded her coldly. In his head he was debating. The coffee did smell quite tempting, but if he accepted he would be forced to spend a few minutes time in her presence. His internal struggle over, temptation won yet again. "If you please," he responded coolly.

Hermione pulled a gray mug from a nearby cabinet and filled it. "Sugar? Cream?" she asked over her shoulder. Severus shook his head quickly. Hermione turned back to the stove and rolled her eyes. It was obvious that social situations were not his specialty. She sat the mug in front of him and smiled encouragingly. The situation was odd enough without her making it worse.

Cautiously, Snape picked up his cup and smelled it. For a moment Hermione thought he was looking for poison. Slowly he picked it up and sipped.

Severus felt his lips move into an involuntary half smile. It had been years since he had coffee this good. Hermione was watching him closely. When he noticed he raised his eyebrow at her coldly.

"I was just wondering if you liked it," she said with a trace of annoyance, "not everyone can stomach my coffee. Strong, you know?" she raised her glass also.

Snape scoffed into his cup, "After decades of consuming potions no girl's coffee will be too much to handle."

Hermione rolled her eyes and put the paper down, "Well, good to know how you respond to acts of decency and civilized conversation around you."

At that moment the door opened and McGonagall walked in. Already having been awake for hours she was looking brisk and busy this morning. "Well, Severus, Miss Granger, I'm glad to see you two enjoying each other's company."

Hermione and Severus looked at her as if she had quite lost her mind. She sighed and continued, "I am glad because I must insist that Miss Granger's training for the Order begin tonight, and as you know Severus, you are the only person accomplished enough at Occlumency…."

"What?" Hermione and Snape screeched at the same time.

"It is required that each member of the Order has at least a basic knowledge of Occlumency before they learn the secrets, you know this Severus!" McGonagall had put her stern voice on, and even Snape seemed reluctant to disagree with her. "Now, since you are the best we have you will be instructing Miss Granger, tonight, at seven o'clock promptly. If you'll excuse me," with that McGonagall stalked past them and up the stairs.

Hermione and Snape glowered over their coffee cups like scolded children. After a few moments he stood and walked towards the door.

"Seven o'clock in the library Miss Granger, I expect you remember the entrance you nearly kicked in," he opened the kitchen door, "tardiness will not be rewarded," he smirked as he stormed out.

Hermione sighed heavily and slapped her newspaper down on the table, gaining a throbbing palm and a nasty splinter. "This," she said aloud to the empty kitchen, "shan't be a pleasant experience."

A/N- Okay, there's chapter two. Thanks for hanging with me through the beginning, now the real story can start. I promise the next chapter will be the beginning of something big! Review if you can, it really helps. As far as the grammar mistakes, sorry, but if you can't deal with it don't read it, because once again, not an English major.


	3. The First Time

A/N- Here goes chapter three! So you made it this far did you? I'm so honored! For those of you going, where's the romance, this chapter is your answer. Stay with me guys, I might be slow, but the payoff will be worth it, promise. All characters belong to JKR, alas, not me.

The First Time

That evening found Hermione sitting sulkily in her bedroom. After breakfast she had spent the rest of the morning drafting letters to her family. She had written Harry a letter as well, though she wasn't sure what she should say. As she started her letter to Ron she felt her stomach give a sick sort of flip. With the events of the night before she hadn't had time to think about him properly. What had his words at the station meant? Hermione heaved a sigh and put her parchment back in the drawer. She didn't have time to think about it now, as it was five till seven. She grabbed her letters and took them to the kitchen. As she had hoped, Lupin was sitting reading the paper.

"Why hello again," he smiled warmly at her, "how are you this evening?"

Hermione shrugged, "I could be better, that's for sure."

"Yes…." Lupin had the smallest trace of a smile on his face, "I did hear something about you starting lessons with Severus tonight."

Hermione groaned loudly and sat down across from him. "I don't know why Professor McGonagall can't teach me."

"Well Hermione, firstly she is very busy, she barely has time to sleep now days. Sometimes I worry for her," Lupin's eyes were down cast for a moment, "But never mind that, the truth is Severus is the best Occlumency instructor you could ask for. He's a master in the field, and if you listen I know you will benefit from him." Lupin gave Hermione's hand a comforting pat.

"Yeah, I guess," she huffed, "Would you mind dropping these letters off to post? They're to my mom and dad, and….." Hermione stopped. She didn't know if Harry had told everyone about his plans to leave school or not.

Lupin nodded, "Yes I can, first thing in the morning."

"Professor…." She began hesitantly, "have you spoken to Harry lately?"

"Ah, well, not exactly. We've all been quite busy, and," Lupin scratched his chin self consciously, "I thought it best to give him some time."

Hermione nodded with a pained sort of smile. At that moment she caught a glimpse of Lupin's watch, which read three past seven.

"I got to go, 'Tardiness won't be tolerated,'" she droned in her best Severus impression.

Remus smiled softly, but his eyes held a stern gaze, "Give it a chance Hermione. You might be surprised."

Hermione smiled gratefully and headed towards the library. She opened the door without knocking and entered. Snape was sitting in his usual chair, and he gave her a look of pure annoyance.

"Late and unannounced, how very Gryffindor of you," he sneered as he put his book down on the table.

Hermione felt the anger rising again, but remembering Lupin's words she was able to suppress her desire to yell, "Sorry professor," she mumbled.

Snape cocked his head in slight confusion. Sorry professor? I wonder what she's playing, he wondered to himself. He motioned her to the chair and she sat dejectedly.

"Tonight we begin the study of Occlumency, or, the ability to close one's mind to invasion. There is no spell, no potion to aid in the process, only pure strength of mind and practice…"

As Snape droned on Hermione felt her attention slip. She didn't want to tell the temperamental professor that she already knew the facts on Occlumency. As she sat, her gaze drifted to the book that Snape had laid on the table. The dim firelight wasn't very conducive to reading, and Hermione had to squint to make out the title, _The Complete Grimms_. She could hardly believe her eyes. Snape had been reading muggle fairy tales.

"Did you hear what I said?" Snape snapped as he slammed his hand over the book.

Hermione blushed despite herself; it had been obvious that she hadn't been paying attention. Though she knew she was at fault she didn't feel like taking any more of his abuse, and against her better judgment she felt her temper rise. She glanced at Snape quickly, his face looked positively livid.

"Miss Granger despite what you might think I do have better things to do than try and educate a haughty little girl who thinks she…."

"Hang on a minute," Hermione stood hurriedly, she had taken all she was prepared to, "You know as well as I that this is not my ideal choice of arrangement, it wasn't my suggestion so don't take your anger out on me!"

"You are rather ostentatious tonight aren't you?" Snape growled at her, "I don't believe you realize I am rendering you a great service, one that many wizards would consider an honor!"

"Well, sir! Many wizards haven't had to put up with your pompous ranting for almost seven years!" Hermione felt full blown anger hit her. There was no use trying to remain calm now, she had let her temper get the better of her, and there was no turning back, not that she wished to.

"Pompous? Indeed, for I seem to recall that it is I and my little duet of dim-witted friends scuttling around the castle causing calamity!"

"Well I'm surprised you can recall anything after trying to fit it through that thick lump you call a head!"

Snape and Hermione had escaladed to a full fledged scream during the course of the argument. Outside Lupin listened closely at the door, followed quickly by Minerva.

"Remus, what is going on?" she asked in a shocked voice as the screaming from inside continued.

"Oh, it's nothing Minerva," he answered, pulling a silencing charm over the door, "I think Severus and Miss Granger are finally having a little heart to heart. What say you and I have some tea?" he pulled her towards the kitchen.

"Did I hear someone say 'greasy bat'?" Minerva questioned as Lupin guided her down the dark hallway.

"Presumptuous little…"

"Domineering, overbearing…."

Snape was beginning to feel his voice give out. Ten good minutes of screaming had done a rough turn to his rarely used vocal chords. He was determined, however, not to let her get the best of him. She had courage, he would grant her that. Never in all his years had he had a student yell back.

"Why don't your bury your nose in a book and spare the rest of us the torment of your speech?" he snarled at her mercilessly.

"Only if you go back to the dungeons so we don't have to look at you, you bloody coward!" she retorted, a flaming rage in her eyes.

As soon as she had said it Hermione knew she had gone too far. She wasn't exactly sure how she knew, it was as though a rush of icy wind had ripped between the both of them. The look in Snape's eyes had changed in a flash. It was no longer anger, it was a void. A void as deep as any hole Hermione could ever imagine. She felt her breath hitch, and Snape fell silent. He straightened stiffly over the table which he had been leaning, and Hermione fell back into her seat. Snape walked rigidly to the fire, leaning against the mantle. Hermione wasn't sure what exactly she had said that had hit him so squarely, but whatever it was she wanted to undo it. No matter how much the man infuriated her, Hermione was not the sort of person to wish such obvious pain on anyone. She wanted him to yell, to scream, anything but the dead silence that hung around the room.

In his silence Severus was mentally berating himself. He had failed; he had let the little snip get the best of him. Though he would never admit it, even to himself, he knew that she had spoken the words he feared most. The only word that made him recoil into himself like a frightened child; coward. There he stood, one of the most feared men in the country, and a simple word could bring him to mental pieces. He could never forget, fleeing Hogwarts, the only place he had ever felt complete, after murdering the only person who ever made him feel welcomed, being called a coward by a boy he had taken great pains to keep alive despite his loathing, and realizing that it was true.

Hermione watched him in awkward silence. She had never seen Snape at a loss for words, and she sincerely hoped she never would again, it was more unnerving than she cared to admit. She searched her mind for something to say, anything to provoke a response.

"Have you read "The Juniper Tree"?" She asked quietly, staring intently at his back.

Severus gave an inward start at the sound of her voice. For a moment he had been so lost in his thoughts that he had forgotten she was there, "What?" he asked coldly.

Hermione raised the Grimms book, "The Juniper Tree, have you read it? It's my favorite tale."

Snape nodded slowly, "I've read them all."

Hermione stood cautiously, as though he was a bull waiting to charge. She leafed through the book tenderly, "I used to read them late at night when I couldn't sleep. Some of them were a bit frightening I'm afraid, but, for some reason The Juniper Tree always made me feel better. I used to read it every night." She smiled at him shyly.

Snape accepted the old book from her and stared at the dusty red cover. The Juniper Tree, he wondered. It was an odd choice for a young girl's favorite tale. It contained no princess or mermaids, rather it contained murder and death.

"An odd tale to find comfort with," Snape looked at her stonily and sat the book on the mantle.

Hermione chuckled, "Not really, everything turns right in the end doesn't it? The little boy is brought back, and the wicked mother is defeated. It would be nice for life to end like that."

Snape snorted, "Fairy tales are just that girl, fairy tales."

"You read them as well," Hermione shifted her gaze upwards and met his hard stare. This time she didn't see anger or emptiness, rather she saw something she never expected from Severus Snape; remorse. For some reason Hermione felt herself captivated by his unbreakable gaze.

"I never denied it," he murmured softly.

Severus was utterly perplexed. For some reason he couldn't make himself look away from the girl. It was as if she could communicate directly without speaking a word. Though he felt no less annoyed by her presence, he couldn't deny that she seemed to possess some silent spirit that he rarely saw in people. The rational part of himself was tugging at the back of his mind, telling him that showing any sign of humanity to a student, and a Gryffindor at that, was lunacy. Still, he kept the gaze.

Suddenly, a knock on the door made them both jump, and Hermione found her lungs ached for breath. Lupin poked his head into the library.

"Everything alright now? Can I take the silencing charm off the door?" he smiled a grim sort of smirk.

Snape scoffed and Hermione rolled her eyes with a nod. Lupin winked at her demurely and exited the room.

"Well," Snape was the first to break the silence, "I think that's all for tonight. Your mental state should be rested for a lesson. Clear your mind tonight and do try to be on time tomorrow." With that he swept from the room, black robes billowing.

That night Hermione sat curled in her bed, her mind racing a mile a minute. What exactly had happened in that library? For a moment, she had thought there was a connection. Brief, but true, a moment when Snape had become more than the antagonistic potions master. She couldn't put her finger on it, but she knew that something had changed within the Severus Snape that she had known before.

Little did Hermione know that elsewhere in number twelve Grimmauld place similar thoughts were being explored, though with no small amount of reluctance.

The next day passed in a whirl. McGonagall had begun preparing Hermione for her upcoming newt examinations. While she assured Hermione that the tests would be simple for her Hermione felt her nerves flare. Taking the exams a year in advance wasn't at all what she wanted to do. There was also the matter of teacher training, and the constant bother from Lupin to prepare for her Occlumency session. In truth, Hermione was having trouble thinking about anything else.

At dinner that night Snape was no where to be found. In honor of Hermione's pending induction to the Order many of the other members had come, including Arthur and Molly Weasley.

"Hermione dear! We were so excited when we found out the wonderful news!" Mrs. Weasley gushed, "How are you getting along dear?"

All in all it was a pleasant evening. Although Mr. Weasley kept hinting that Ron had invited Hermione to the Burrow for the summer, and Hermione suddenly felt no need for food.

It was nearly seven before Hermione excused herself from the table. She walked slowly to the library, feeling her anxiety rise. She hoped tonight would be a significant improvement from the last, as she didn't know if her nerves could take another verbal duel.

Hermione reached for the knob, but at the last moment she knocked softly.

"Enter," came the gruff reply from within.

Hermione shut the door softly behind her. Snape was sitting in his usual chair, reading a thick book. Across from him there was a new heavy armchair, and Hermione was slightly surprised that he had bothered to find it at all.

Snape shut his book with a snap. He cleared his throat roughly and motioned to the chair opposite him. "Well, Miss Grander, since you already know the principals of Occlumency I suggest we step straight into the methods."

Hermione nodded vaguely. Until this moment she hadn't realized that Snape was going to be inside her head.

"All you must do is close your mind, when you feel me press, just don't allow it," he commented vaguely, rolling his cloak sleeves up to his mid forearms. Hermione nodded again, bracing her feet behind the chair legs. With a wave of his wand Snape brought Hermione's chair within a foot of himself, startled she let out a small shriek of surprise.

He smirked at her alarm, and Hermione felt a surge of annoyance. Snape saw this in her face, "None of that," he snapped, "clear your mind."

Hermione nodded and tried her best to empty her thoughts. "Are you prepared?" he asked. She nodded stiffly.

"You have to look at me girl," Snape said with a hint of irritation.

Hermione snapped her eyes up in defiance and met his cold gaze. It happened in an instance. She felt as though a heavy hand were pressing against her forehead. She felt scenes running through her mind, as though a muggle film was on fast forward and she couldn't control it. Gripping her chair Hermione tried to slow it down. It worked partially, she was able to control the speed of her memories, but she couldn't blank them out. In a flash Hermione saw scenes of the past years; her first time on an airplane, the Quiddich cup from her third year, her grandmother laying in her death bed.

"No," Hermione yelped, and shut her eyes in frustration. She slumped to the back of her chair.

"Come now girl, you're not trying, I could find your deepest secrets if I so desired. You must close your mind, not try and control what I see. Focus," he demanded, "again."

Hermione drew a deep breath and looked up. Now she felt the pressure. The scenes were back, burying her puppy when she was nine, the sight of the basilisk from her second year, the death eaters in the department of mysteries, Harry appearing, screaming, in the tri-wizard maze.

"Stop," Hermione yelped, tearing herself away from him. Snape tapped his knuckles in irritation.

"Miss Granger, we can not accomplish this task without me seeing these things," he rubbed his head wearily, "let's get it out now, whatever you're so afraid of me seeing, then perhaps you can focus."

Hermione felt a cold prickle in her head. "I think I've had enough for tonight," she murmured.

"I think not," Snape replied heatedly. In a flash he had grabbed her chin and she felt the pressure stronger than ever. Her life was flashing before her; watching her parents fight as a child, Dumbledore's funeral, walking in on Ron with Lavender Brown, Snape was searching for the deepest memory. The ones she was desperately trying to conceal. No, no! Hermione began to chant in her head, this wasn't something she wanted him to see. But the scenes continued, and then it came. The flash of her, a mere year ago, at her OWL tests, facing a boggart, watching it turn into her dead mother, her dead father, Harry, Ron, Ginny, Dumbledore, and finally Snape. Hermione's mind screamed in protest and she felt the pressure stop.

It took her a full minute to catch her breath, and when she looked up she realized she was on the floor a good five feet from her chair. Snape was still seated, watching her with great scrutiny. She swept her hair into a hasty knot, feeling hot and exhausted. Slowly Snape rose to his feet. He crossed the floor swiftly and offered his hand.

Hermione looked at him suspiciously, and she saw his eyes narrow ever so slightly. Hesitantly she took his hand. Hermione was surprised; it was cool, and utterly smooth. He must wear gloves nearly all the time he works, she thought to herself. When she was on her feet again Snape sat back in his chair.

Neither of them spoke for a moment. "I believe that is enough for one evening," Snape muttered, looking at the dancing flames. Hermione nodded, but found her knees a bit too wobbly to stand.

"Do you require assistance?" he asked her.

"No," Hermione snapped, "I just need a moment."

"Occlumency is a truly invasive practice, and one of the hardest to endure for the first time. It becomes easier," he said with a flippant tone. Hermione scoffed and rubbed her head.

Snape watched the shaking young girl. Though he was trying not to, he kept observing her physical state. She seemed quite wrecked. Perhaps he should have gone easier? No. He shook the thought from his mind; he wouldn't have treated any other student any differently. Though, his mind reminded him, she wasn't going to be a student for long, she would, in fact, be his colleague. Snape recalled her memory with startling clarity, and he was more than a bit confused at what he had seen.

"Is there no other way to become skilled with this?" she asked him between breaths.

Snape shook his head quickly, "Practice Miss Granger, that is all that can be done."

She hugged her arms to her chest and willed her body to calm down. Despite her best efforts Hermione had been unable to stop him, and she was not used to failure. Worse than that, he had seen what she didn't want him to. She could only imagine the glee he would feel telling the others that the silly Gryffindor brat had once feared for his safety.

"I'm alright now," Hermione stood, somewhat unsteadily, and Snape extended his arm to keep her upright. Somewhat surprised by the gesture he retracted his hand immediately.

He nodded to her, "Tomorrow then, the same time if it pleases you." He stood as she walked towards the door.

"A boggart was it?" he called after her quietly.

Hermione groaned inwardly. She refused to turn back to him, but nodded slightly. He scratched his chin lightly and nodded as though he understood completely. He then turned towards the fire once more, "Goodnight Hermione," he dismissed her with a wave.

"Goodnight," she replied shutting the door silently.

In the hallway she leaned against the door shakily. He had said her name, for the first time.

A/N- Okay, three is up! So it's slow going, but look at the progress! It's all going to hit in the next two chapters, so get ready for some action. Hopefully I have you biting your nails just a little bit. Also, yes there are things in this story that don't link up. What can I say? I started it when I was seventeen. Have you ever seen Red Dwarf? Roll with it or don't read. Sorry, but I'm not changing it now, it's not like I'm getting paid or anything. Review if you can, thanks for the time!


	4. The Worst Possibility

A/N- Making progress, here's chapter four. Ok, so I changed the rating to M. I want you guys to know this story won't ever contain anything too harsh or violent, but just to be safe I made it M for language and future chapters. Once again, all the characters belong to JKR, not me!

The Worst Possibility

The next week passed in a busy haze. Hermione endured more training in her new fields, though Occlumency became significantly easier for her by the third night. Though she couldn't be completely sure, she was beginning to suspect that Snape was taking it easy on her. After their first session she found with a bit of effort she could force him to ease his grip on her mind, even if she couldn't force him out completely. Though he was as gruff and cold as ever Hermione found she could now have a few civilized sentences with him before the insults would begin. Saturday morning Hermione woke to the sound of birds. She groaned roughly and rolled onto her stomach, throwing the pillow over her head to try and block out the racket. She wasn't sure who had the bright idea to give the enchanted wake up calls, but she wanted to tell them a thing or two.

After a good ten minutes Hermione sighed and pulled herself from the warm bed. She always felt like a zombie in the morning, at least until she'd had her first cup of coffee. Blearily she dressed in a simple black sweater and jeans. In the past year or so Hermione had been making an effort to pay attention to how she dressed. Even though she couldn't force herself to follow the latest fashions like Lavender or Pravati she still wanted to be presentable. Her hair however still presented a problem. She found that it took a good amount of time and effort to train her hair, time and effort she decided best suited elsewhere. Sighing, she curled her locks into a messy knot and walked groggily down the stairs towards the kitchen. When she entered she was greeted by the unfamiliar sight of two bright red heads.

"Fred, George," she squealed in delight, giving the rambunctious twins a quick hug, "Well, this is a surprise."

"Hullo Hermione," George replied, sitting down a large green box rather hastily and shoving it under the table with his foot.

"How does this lovely day find you?" Fred asked, shoving the box still further from her sight.

"Quite well thanks," Hermione looked from their faces to the box which was still partly visible. The twins nodded and beamed at her. Hermione shook her head nonchalantly, whatever it was she probably didn't want to know anyway. "Coffee?" she asked them sweetly.

"No thanks, never got a taste for the stuff," Fred said with his face pulled into a look of distaste.

Hermione nodded and moved towards the stove. She chatted pleasantly with the twins while the coffee brewed, talking about their store, her training, and their latest inventions.

"So, little Hermione," Fred gushed in a baby voice, ""Ronniekins tells us you might be spending some time at the burrow this summer."

Hermione choked slightly into her coffee cup, "Yes, well. I'm not sure…..my training might not be complete…..I mean, maybe….." she could feel herself grasping at straws.

Fred and George exchanged a quick glance and changed the subject hastily. After three cups Hermione was feeling much better, until McGonagall came in.

"Ah yes, you're here," she said distractedly, looking from Fred to George, "Alright, it's time to go then."

"What's going on Professor?" Hermione asked over her empty cup.

"Nothing, nothing at all," she replied, straightening her hat. "Why? What have they told you?" McGonagall asked, looking critically at the twins.

"Nothing," they said in unison.

"Alright, we're off, I shall fetch you for training later Miss Granger," McGonagall nodded at her and strode from the room, the twins with their mysterious box right behind her.

An hour later Hermione sat in the living room thinking about everyone's odd behavior. She had the sneaking suspicion that something was wrong. The occupants of Grimmauld place were never relaxed, but there was certainly an air of tension about the place on this day.

"Miss Granger," a voice snapped from the corner. Hermione gave a start, she hadn't even noticed Snape come into the room.

"Yes?" she asked in a hiss. Despite everything Hermione didn't appreciate being startled and spoken to like a child on top of it all.

"I have been instructed that you are to accompany me to the apothecary," Snape positively growled this information, leading Hermione to believe it had most certainly not been his idea.

"Why?" she asked snappishly, before she could control herself.

"Perhaps so you can gain knowledge for your potions NEWT, or, perhaps just to annoy me," Snape threw her travel cloak into her lap, "Are you quite ready yet?"

Hermione pulled her cloak around her angrily. She was no happier than he at this arrangement, and it would have been nice if he hadn't laid his anger onto her. She stood and began to walk towards the front door.

"Surely you don't think we're going to walk there Miss Granger?" Snape snorted in a mock question.

"Forgive me Professor," Hermione snapped, "But unless the apothecary is hidden in one of these rooms I did assume we would have to venture outside."

They glared at each other for a moment before Snape stalked off towards the kitchen. Hermione met him and crossed her arms dejectedly.

"We have to apperate, and for safety measures I have been instructed to take you, " Snape said the end of his sentence with increased annoyance. He took her wrist with a solid grip, bordering on rough. With determination Hermione stood stiffly and they were off.

After a moment of blinding speed Hermione found herself standing in a small dark room. Snape opened the door quickly and she followed him into a very dusty, and very empty, store. Outside she could see the busy street, Diagon Alley.

"What is this Professor?" Hermione questioned, confused at an empty store in the busy shopping district.

"Formally a broomstick service station," Snape replied, brushing invisible dust from his robes, "the Order purchased it not long ago for….practical purposes."

Snape motioned her quickly towards the front of the shop. Hermione followed deep in thought. The Order must have more funding then she had realized.

Snape led her out of the store and down a series of streets and sidewalks. Eventually they came to store front that Hermione had often seen but never had a reason to enter. The weathered wooden sign said simply, Apothecary.

Following Snape she entered the dim store. The shelves which lined the walls were filled to the brim with jars and bottles. "Don't touch anything," Snape said to her without a glance and strode off to the right. Hermione huffed to herself. Despite her grumpy instructions Hermione soon found herself at home, looking in wonder at the wide assortment of supplies. She had never seen such powerful ingredients first hand. She found all sorts of rare items, lenkesis root, wennest stones, even shredded dragon heart. As she rounded the corner she spotted a large book section, and happily bounded forward. After a few minutes of reading _The Power of the Cauldron_ she was hooked. As she read, the store keep, a greasy looking middle aged wizard, walked up to her.

"Interested in that eh?" he began, launching into his salesmen voice, "Well, it is rather rare…."

Hermione scoffed slightly, "Be that as it may, this book is hardly in perfect condition." She looked at the torn and stained cover with a critical eye.

"Still, I couldn't possibly let it go for less than……sixty galleons."

Hermione laughed out loud, "Sixty galleons? You must be spending too much time with the lenkesis root!"

"Come now young lady, this book can't be found anywhere else in London, why you'd have to go all the way…."

"Well then perhaps I will," Hermione interrupted haughtily, "because sixty galleons is blind robbery, and while it might work with some of your customers it shan't with me sir."

Hermione closed the book with a snap and moved to put it back on the shelf.

"Alright, alright," the man exclaimed, moving his hands furiously, "how about….fifty five galleons?"

"Thirty five and that's being generous," Hermione regarded him with a cool eye. The store keeper looked as though she had slapped him.

"Forty five, and I'll throw in a jar of fretil bark for free."

Hermione pursed her lips and cocked her head, "Make it chopped not powdered," she smiled and handed him the book. The man scurried away muttering. Hermione smiled to herself as she followed, the book was easily worth sixty galleons.

From the shadows of the shelves Severus watched with rapt attention. Despite himself he found a smirk growing on his face. The little snip would have done well in Slytherin, he thought. The book was easily worth sixty galleons.

Hermione and Snape stepped from the store into the afternoon light of Diagon Alley. Hermione was unusually cheerful, having secured her prize book, and was determined not to let Snape bring her down. As they walked back towards their apparition point Hermione noticed that he kept glancing at a silver pocket watch.

"We will have missed dinner," he announced suddenly, "I suppose I should feed you before we return to the house."

"It's no where near time for dinner, and even if we have I'm sure Tonks will have saved something…" she began in protest.

"Do not contradict me girl," he snapped, turning abruptly down a side street and walking towards a small stone building. The sign above the door read _Zelda's_.

Inside Hermione was surprised by Snape's choice of restaurants. It was small, but feverishly clean, with a few older wizards and witches scattered along the wooden table. Snape sat in the table nearest the corner, his back to the wall. Hermione took a seat as well, noticing his odd behavior. Something was going on, and she didn't like it one bit.

A plump little witch arrived to take their order, and Snape requested his "usual." It took a moment for Hermione to realize that he must come here rather often. This thought surprised her. She knew that the teachers must have a life outside of Hogwarts, but she had never had any experience with what those lives might contain.

"And for you dear?" the witch was asking, and Hermione realized she hadn't even glanced at the menu. She opened her mouth in dismay, "She'll have the same," Snape cut in, nodding politely to the waitress, who smiled and walked towards the kitchen.

Snape saw the confusion register on her face when the waitress had questioned her. Ordinarily he might have let the little know it all work it out, but for the sake of the day he had interjected.

"Thank you," Hermione grumbled softly, he merely nodded.

A few minutes of silence elapsed before Snape found his curiosity got the better of him, "You are aware, I assume, that the book is worth more than sixty galleons?"

Hermione felt a wicked smile flash across her face, "I was, but he wasn't."

Snape scoffed and took a sip of his tea. Inwardly he wished he were alone so he could enjoy his typical fire whisky.

"You should talk," Hermione aimed at him, "You talked him down to ten galleons a beazor. We both know that it would be twice as expensive anywhere else."

Snape smirked pompously, "There is a reason I frequent the establishments that I choose Miss Granger."

The plump witch came back with two bowls of a thick stew, complete with fresh bread. To her surprise Hermione greatly enjoyed it. Through the meal she made casual comments about some of the unknown things she had noticed in the apothecary, and, also to her surprise, she learned quite a bit from Snape's answers. She had always known he was a potions master, but the knowledge he seemed to know so offhand was still impressive.

When they were done Hermione dug through her purse for the required galleons. Snape regarded her with an icy stare.

"What are you doing Miss Granger?"

Hermione stopped cold, looking at him in confusion. When the plump witch returned Snape handed her a handful of coins and promptly stood.

"I didn't need you to pay for me professor," Hermione said, in what she hoped was not too harsh of a tone.

Snape scoffed and handed her the bag containing her book, "I did not think you desolate Miss Granger. A lady never pays for an accompanied meal." Snape turned and strode for the door without further conversation. Hermione followed him silently, with her head in a whirl. She hadn't noticed Snape's rather courtly manner before. She had always taken his demeanor to be arrogant, but when she considered again she realized that he acted rather like a gentlemen, when he elected to.

They walked back to the empty store and Snape took her arm once more. This time, she noticed it was a rather gentler grip. After a moment they were once again standing in the kitchen of number twelve Grimmauld place. Snape let go of her as if he was on fire, and she sat her book carefully on the table. He glanced at his watch once again, and Hermione had the feeling he was late for an appointment.

"Thank you professor," she began somewhat awkwardly, "for dinner."

He nodded curtly. Snape didn't understand exactly why she was thanking him. He cleared his throat, which was feeling uncomfortably tight. It was the respectable thing to do in the situation.

"Well, yes," he replied, feeling the overwhelming need to retire from her presence.

Hermione laughed softly, and Snape shot her a deadly glare, "Is something humorous Miss Granger?"

"I was just thinking, you ought to be careful. We almost had a pleasant afternoon together, I believe an insult or a taunt is in order to maintain balance," Hermione's eyes twinkled with the cordial ribbing.

Snape snorted to himself, but not without amusement, "I shall keep it in mind Miss Granger."

He gestured her into the living room, and before she could react Hermione was attacked from all sides.

Her induction party for the Order of the Phenonix came as a complete surprise. After she realized she was not being assaulted by a group of death eaters, Hermione was deliriously happy. It seemed as though the entire Order had shown for the event.

"Hermione dear!" Mrs. Weasley gave her a hug, "Are you surprised? We had a time getting you out of the house, but Severus was good enough to comply."

Hermione glanced at Snape, who was sitting alone in the corner, watching the festivities with obvious disdain. She smiled at him, and he flicked his eyes over her face for a brief moment before returning to observe the fire.

"Coming through, one side!" Fred and George were bounding through the group holding the bright green box high above their heads.

"Oi, Hermione! Come over here," George called to her, as the group formed a circle around the twins. Hermione walked up nervously, the twins were known to have an odd sense of humor.

"Well, open it up," Fred demanded, waving a hand over the box. Hermione pulled the green ribbon surrounding the package with increasing apprehension. She pulled the top off to reveal a wine colored robe. Hermione felt herself gasp as she pulled the lavish dress robes from their box.

"What? Why?" she stammered looking at the robes in disbelief. They were possibly the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. A deep wine color, they had long bell sleeves and a heart cut neckline. The waist was accentuated with a delicate silver braid, and when held to the light the robes shifted colors ever so slightly.

"For your formal initiation dear, in three weeks," McGonagall beamed at the young girl's face. "We always fancy up a bit for that. This party is just a little congratulation to you."

For the rest of the night Hermione smiled and laughed, letting her mind wander away from the troubles she had been musing over. When the clock struck midnight McGonagall began to usher people away from the party, everyone hugging and congratulating Hermione. As he was leaving, Mr. Weasley pulled her aside.

"Ron has told us you might be visiting in a few weeks," Hermione nodded dumbly, "Well, we're looking forward to it. Just letting you know," he smiled warmly and gave her a hug before taking Molly's arm and waving goodbye.

When the living room had cleared McGonagall said goodnight to Hermione, who promptly collapsed into an armchair. Remembering her book she bound into the kitchen to retrieve it, and returned with a content smile. Curling herself up in the chair she opened to the title page.

"I would think you too exhausted to begin a new book tonight," a voice rang from the dark corner. Hermione looked up in surprise; she hadn't realized he was still there. She briefly felt annoyed that he always seemed to appear from the shadows when she was least expecting him.

"Too exhausted to read?" Hermione asked him with a laugh, "You know better than that professor. Though, I must admit, I am having a bit of a hard time with these terms. I should have brought my potions dictionary…." She trailed off in her own thoughts.

Snape stood from his dark armchair and crossed the room to her, "Which terms?" he asked, almost politely, almost.

Hermione pointed, "Clishdash extract?" she questioned him, showing the passage.

"Clishdash is a very potent fungus which grows only on the bodies of deceased magical animals, it is very hard to find, and therefore very expensive. This potion calls for two vials, which would be ungodly rare," Snape handed the book back to her.

"But look at what it can do," Hermione stated in an excited voice, "protection against all memory altering charms! Just imagine how valuable it would be to the Order," Hermione flicked the page.

"In order for that to work the members would have to take the potion regularly, too hard to upkeep and regulate" Severus noted, sitting down in an armchair and reading over her shoulder.

"But if there could be a way to make the potion time released," Hermione pointed to an illustration, "then a weekly or monthly dose could do. The properties are conductive to pletitis root, which could work if done in large enough doses."

Severus squinted at the picture and took the book from her, "Interesting, I never thought that pletitis root would mix with the enhancements…."

He looked up in time to see the girl studying his face with interest. In a rush, he realized how close he was sitting to her. She nodded slightly, "It would be rather complicated, but…..I'm sure you could do it."

Hermione felt like she was being squeezed. The moment he had sat by her she realized he smelled of sandalwood. The scent was overpowering, though not at all unpleasant. Her eyes floated from his dark eyes to his long hair, which seemed to be much blacker than she had ever noticed. Suddenly very aware of their close proximity, Hermione felt a chill rip through her.

"Perhaps," he responded distractedly. She really did look much older than he remembered. No longer the fizzy haired first year, something about her eyes made him appreciate the maturity she seemed to control at her age. "You may put too much faith in me Miss Granger."

Hermione dropped her eyes to the book. "I've yet to see you fail," she responded, keeping her gaze in the opposite direction.

Snape looked at her sideways. A compliment? A compliment from the girl who had harbored a loathing for him for the better part of a decade?

"Well, believe me when I say I have," he handed her book back, "more times than I care to remember." Absentmindedly, his hand covered the mark he bore on his forearm. He found himself wondering if this girl could stand to be in his presence if she knew everything he had done. If she knew what had really happened on the tower….

"Professor?" she called softly. Snape had lapsed into an unnerving silence. "Professor?" she placed a hand on his elbow, making him jump from his chair as though she had injured him. Hermione felt panicked, she had touched him.

As though waking from a trance Snape recovered quickly. "Goodnight Miss Granger, I trust our lessons shall continue tomorrow," He nodded in her direction and left through the kitchen.

Hermione sat in a mixed state of confusion. She closed the book softly and moved closer to the fire. What exactly was going on? She shook her head vigorously, as though to clear the thoughts. For some reason she seemed to keep having these odd moments with Snape. And what was worse, she was afraid to admit she rather enjoyed them. For a moment she thought he had as well, and then she had done such a foolish thing, to grab him unprovoked. She sighed roughly and started towards her bedroom

Three floors above Severus Snape poured a glass of fire whisky and collapsed into his armchair. Something was going to have to be done about Miss Granger. This evening, for a very brief moment, he had felt a surge of….something. Something that he was in no mood to sort through at the moment. He finished the glass quickly, pouring another before the glass reached the table. The girl had an unnatural ability to off balance him, there was no denying that. He had allowed himself to become yielding towards her. After the experience in her memory he had been more lenient than he should. He would put a stop to it, tomorrow.

Hermione spent the next morning avoiding Snape like the plague. She carefully peered into all rooms before entering, and stayed away from the library completely. Though she didn't normally see him during the day she wasn't going to take any chances.

At lunch McGonagall announced that she would be taking her newts the following Thursday. She would have to travel to ministry headquarters, and the more Hermione thought about it the sicker she felt. To make matters worse, she received an owl from Ron.

_Hermione, Sorry I haven't found time to write before. Summer's always pretty crazy around here. Mum told me all about what's going on with you. Wow, can't believe you might be my teacher. I hope it all pans out, then you can make sure everyone gets through their last year with room to spare. So, to let you know, Dad invited you to spend a bit of time at the Burrow after your tests. We know you're busy and all, but, I'd like to see you if you can make it. Talk to you soon._

_Ron_

Hermione stored the letter in her desk. She still wasn't sure what to think about the situation. The only thing she knew for sure was Ron wasn't the one who kept entering her mind.

That night at seven Hermione knocked on the library door as usual.

"Enter," the gruff voice sounded.

Hermione entered the library and received a mild shock. The room was completely cleared. The all the furniture was gone, leaving only the fireplace and a lone bookshelf in the room. Slightly confused, she opened her mouth to question, but Snape was too quick for her.

"Tonight Miss Granger, we will see the efforts of our training. If you are able to successfully block me tonight I shall inform Minerva that you have mastered the basic skills of Occlumency," Snape spoke quickly, busying himself with rolling his sleeves.

Hermione nodded, something was different about his demeanor this night. In the past week she had gradually seen Snape relax during their sessions. He had even chanced an occasional laugh or look, but now, he acted exactly as he had the first night.

Snape straightened and drew his wand, "Are you prepared?"

She nodded, bracing herself. In an instant Hermione felt the pressure. She was used to it by now, easily blocking his efforts. She felt the pressure intensify a bit, it was getting harder. Still the feeling worsened, and Hermione found her breath becoming ragged.

Snape watched as her task became harder. He had yet to use all of his force, but he was surprised at how effective she had been at blocking his efforts. He watched as she started to twitch under the exertion. He knew the feeling well. Still he pressed on, all the while becoming more insistent that he would break her.

Hermione felt herself beginning to crumble, she couldn't hold much longer. Why was he doing this? Why had he suddenly become so hostile? Last night had been so wonderful; she had thought they had connected. Her mind slipped further, she was losing.

"Enough!" she screeched, breaking the contact and rubbing her head. She felt as if someone had slashed through her skull.

"Do you think you'll be able to say 'enough' if you're being tortured by a death eater?" Snape spat at her from across the room.

"What is it with you tonight?" Hermione yelled back, feeling her composure fade.

"I beg your pardon! Watch your tone Miss Granger, you will address me with the appropriate amount….."

"Come off of it!" Hermione yelled. Her head was pounding, and all she could think of was making Snape feel the same pain, "This has nothing to do with my training! You're purposely making this difficult because you have some childish vendetta against me."

"I assure you I have no personal thoughts of you whatsoever," Snape slammed his wand into his cloak, seething with anger, "nor would I accuse anyone of being childish if I were you Miss Granger."

"I am so sick of this act," Hermione stopped rubbing her head and glared mercilessly at Snape, "You act like a complete bastard to everyone all the time, and when on occasion someone tried to act civilized towards you, you make them regret it tenfold!"

"I have no need for you to be civilized towards me," Snape rounded on her, using his height as an advantage, "and I also have need for psychoanalysis from a teenager!"

"Well that's just too damn bad because you're going to get it! I have tried, repeatedly, to make this situation better for the both of us. Like it or not _Severus_," she stressed his first name, "We are going to be working together, and there's a good chance that it will be for a long time. Now I have no desire to make the next years of my life any more hellish than they already will be."

"Hellish?" Snape whipped around with a force greater than himself, "You? Worried about your life being hellish? Why don't you try and take the place of the childish potions master for a day or two? Why don't you live a double life of murder and treachery? You are a child," he pointed an accusatory finger at her, "you have no idea what hellish is."

Hermione glared with the force of a thousand suns and turned her back to him. Snape paced the floor in front of the fireplace, cracking his fingers compulsively. How dare she? She knew nothing about anything. A little girl such as herself couldn't fathom the things he had seen, the things he had done.

"And whose fault is that?" Hermione whispered nastily from the corner. She saw his back stiffen. There were no words. There was no response. Hermione caught her breath in her throat, there, she had said it. All the time she had been thinking it, and now it was out. But now that she had said it, Hermione realized how horribly unfair it was. As though a dam had burst she felt an outpour of compassion for the man standing in front of her. He didn't need anyone to hate him, he hated himself enough for them all. Desperately, she tried to hang on to the anger and bitterness she felt for him. She tried to conjure the memories of every hateful thing he had ever done to her, but with a sigh Hermione knew she was losing the battle. She wasn't a hateful person, for better or worse, and she didn't want to cause anyone pain, especially not him.

"No one blames you but yourself," she half choked, "you're the only one for can't forgive."

Snape felt as though she had stabbed him. Despite his best efforts the words had hit deep. He told himself she didn't matter, an idiot child with idiotic ideals, but for some reason he still couldn't move.

No longer wary Hermione approached him by the fire. His eyes stared blankly at the wall. "No one blames you," she repeated in a whisper.

An odd sort of chill had come over her. As she stood there she realized that for the first time, she was seeing Severus Snape. A defeated man, who didn't really have anything left to give. Without thinking she reached for him. For some reason she couldn't understand, she knew she had to feel him, to make sure he was still there, despite the empty look in his eyes. This time he didn't jump, he didn't move. She snaked her hand around his wrist, feeling the cold heartbeat.

Severus turned his eyes slightly to meet hers. He was vaguely aware of her hand on his wrist, though he couldn't feel her. Her large eyes were searching, as though trying to understand all the secrets of the universe in one moment.

"No one knows," he replied, in an unnaturally throaty voice.

"Then tell them."

Snape returned his eyes to the wall. He needed to get away from her. She made him weak, but why? Why after all these years did a girl have the power to weaken him?

"Severus….tell someone. You're killing yourself inside, tell me," she swallowed hard, sliding her hand into his. Hermione felt as if her mind had closed, she was completely out of control of her movements, her speech, her very mind.

The moment he felt her hand slide into his Snape felt his heart lurch. He looked at her in a sort of terrible understanding. Gazing at her face he knew that from this moment on, he was going to be in danger.

Leaning down, he placed his lips to her ear, "Never," he whispered, savoring the feel of her hair against his cheek.

Letting go of her hand he stared at her face, eyes reflecting fire in the dark room. If only she had never come, if only she was far from him, then he could begin to rebuild himself.

Hermione backed away, feeling a wash of hurt. Turning, she bolted from the library, up the stairs, and slammed herself into her small bedroom. Throwing herself down, she took deep breaths until she could once again feel herself. There was no going back now; she understood exactly what her heart had been screaming all along. With a grim determination to keep all tears at bay, Hermione rolled into a ball and closed her eyes. She was in love with Severus Snape, and for the moment, she couldn't think of a worse possibility in the entire universe.

A/N- Aha! The plot thickens….

Review if you've got a minute. I know this chapter moved fast, and things seem sort of abrupt, but give it a chance, you might be pleasantly surprised.


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